Fun Things To Do at Work

A lot of you have been having tough times at work, so I did some thinking and made a list of things you can do to pass the long hours.

In a colleague’s diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights." Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what you think.” Finish all your sentences with, “in accordance to the prophesy.” Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?" Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it." Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague, and say he/she has won a lunch for four at a local restaurant; let him/her go. Send an e-mail to everybody that says, “If you need me, I’ll be in the bathroom,” update this message often. Whenever somebody says something, question them by saying, “Come on! Come on!” Speak with an accent (French, German, Pirate, Porky Pig, etc.) during a very important conference call. Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk. Carry a football with you, and whenever you walk into a room, yell, “Touchdown!” Whenever somebody says something, say, “Now you’re thinking outside the box!” Ask clients what sex they are. Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants, and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out. When somebody comes to talk to you, freeze like a statue in a funny pose until they go away. Run one lap around the office at top speed. Whenever a co-worker sneezes, yell, “Shut up!” and if they sneeze a second time, yell, “I said, ‘Shut up!’” and if they sneeze a third time, run out of the room yelling, “Nobody ever listens to me!” Bring stuffed animals to work, and have them go on a parade through the office; whenever somebody comes by yell, “Hey, watch out, there’s a parade coming through!” Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one person must be in the bathroom). Ignore the first five people who say “good morning” to you. Name all your pens and insist that you can’t work unless they’re all present. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard. Send all e-mail in the form of a Haiku. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name, and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye." While talking to somebody, start breathing really heavily. When you’re walking, make airplane noises. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmm, that feels sooo good!" Leave your zipper open for one hour; if anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way." Walk sideways to the photocopier. While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open. Say to your boss, "I like your style," and shoot him/her with double-barreled fingers. For one hour, don’t walk; just hop. Shake somebody’s hand when you greet them for the day, and keep shaking it for as long as you can. Tell everybody you accidentally glued your hands in your pockets; go about the rest of the day without using your hands. Lie like a speed bump on the ground and make everybody step over you; make bumping sound effects. Go up to a client or co-worker, give them a big hug, and say very slowly, “I have missed you so much.” Bring a toy oven to work, and accuse everybody of stealing your cookies. In the middle of a meeting, yell out, “Yahtzee!” or “Ma Zhong!” Babble incoherently at a fellow employee; then ask, "Did you get all that? I don't want to have to repeat it." Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice). Kneel in front of the water cooler, and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be somebody else within sight). Shout random numbers while someone is counting. Walk around like a spy for one hour. Gallop like a horse wherever you go for one hour. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (even better if you actually launch into it yourself). Walk into a very busy person's office, and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do number two". After every sentence, say “Mon” in a really bad Jamaican accent, as in, "The report's on your desk, Mon," and keep this up for one hour. While an office mate is out, move his/her chair into the elevator. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!" At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again!" Go rollerblading around the floor throwing sweets. Keep singing, “Dui Mian de Nu Hai Kan Guo Lai” over and over at the top of your voice.