The Splaat! vs. the Scarf

Welcome Listeners, as we join another episode of The Adventures of the Splaat! Now, our hero, the Splaat!, was walking down the campus. Oh, look, our hero has joined us here in the studio. Hello, the Splaat!

Hello… [Silence]

Truly a man of many words. Our hero will be able to give us the details as we tell his amazing account. As we were saying before, the Splaat! was walking through campus.

Ah, actually, I like to think it was through a dangerous world where anything could happen at anytime.

Okay, our hero was walking through the dangerous campus where somebody might accidentally drop their book at anytime! How absolutely frightening!

Hey, shut up! It’s pretty scary out there. You don’t know who you’re dealing with.

Aren’t they all your fellow university students?

They’re…shut up!

And so our hero (our brave, brave hero!) ventured onwards. What evil doings could be going on? What adventures might our hero run into? Finally our hero came to his destined building. Tell us, the Splaat!, was it ominous?

Oh, it was ominous like hell!

Our courageous hero went into the ominous building. All he had with him was his fluffy coa, and his big backpack full of books.

Hey, you don’t have to tell them what a nerd I looked like. I actually look pretty cool.

Our nerdy hero walked into the ominous building, but nothing could prepare him for what he saw next.

Ah, what did I see next?

It was [dramatic pause] the Scarf!

Oh, yeah. Him.

The Scarf was one of the Splaat!’s all time worst enemies.

That rat-bastard!

The Scarf stood coolly. His smile sparkled like that of a Takahashi character. His women surrounded him like dogs begging for a slab of meat. His dress style was nothing less than magnificent. To top it all off, he wore, untied around his neck, a scarf! What bad times must exist in the world when somebody would be arrogant enough as to wear a scarf when it isn’t cold enough out! It’s like people who wear sunglasses at night. Our hero was utterly blown away by his appearance.

Well, I wasn’t blown away. A lesser person might have crumbled, though.

Our hero was devastated. The Scarf’s view was enough to blind him. The Splaat! could do nothing, but block his eyes with his arm. His powers were drained, and he was forced to his knees at the bidding of the Scarf.

I’ll admit that the scarf was annoying, but I was still standing.

And now it’s time for a commercial break.

What?! A commercial break right in the middle of my story?

Hey, who’s going to pay for this air time? Do you have any money?

[Silence]

And now for a commercial break!

La la la, dokudami cha! La la la, dokudami cha! Made with real barley, oolong tea, dokudami, and senna tea. It may look like the ground in the forest, but the Splaat! likes to put it in a cup of boiling water and drink it. Some say it’s where he gets his special powers. Some say he’ll die from drinking it. Just a pinch of it will make a strong cup all the way to it’s last infusion. Dokudami cha: the drink of the Splaat! It’s too inconvenient to go to the forest. Buy some today!

And now we return to The Adventures of the Splaat! where we are joined with the Splaat! himself. We continue with our story already underway. The Scarf approached our hero, our brave, brave hero. The stench of cologne was thick in the air.

It was thicker than my toothpaste.

The Scarf smiled, letting his Takahashi sparkle come into view. The Splaat! had no idea what to do. The Scarf’s lips began to open. Words came out which scared the Splaat! to the bone. The Scarf said, “Hey, Buddy! You’re in my class aren’t you?” He gave another smile. The Splaat! was frozen with horror. He had no choice but to flee from the scene. He scurried as fast as he could around the corner where he could not be scene.

You make it sound much worse than it really was. Tell them about how I came back and conquered my enemy.

The Splaat! was completely humiliated and defeated. He crumbled to the floor.

No, I came back and was awesome. I showed him my moves. My whole class got to see my moves.

Actually, the class got to see some movies. The Splaat! sat in the corner in the darkness while the Scarf triumphantly sat with his women.

You know, this story really has no plot. What's the point of telling it?

Oh, don’t be such a sorry hero. Go drink some stick water.

Hey, that stuff is good.

We now come to the end of our show.

Hey, I want to tell the real story. I was all kicking and fighting and dangerous.

But tune in next time…

Hey, I’m telling the story of how I won.

Tune in next time to The Adventures of the Splaat!