Seven Rules for Living on Only Spaghetti

Make as much as you can, and just keep it in the refrigerator. It may even taste better as it gets older.

There is this girl in one of my classes, and I call her Paperclip. Somehow, she is always manages to be unprepared for everything. She never bring anything to class that she needs, and if she does bring it, it’s late, including herself. She sits next to me and always has to look at my books or papers because she forgets her. Often, even when the class is supposed to discuss her own work, she won’t have brought it in herself. I wonder how she manages to pass her classes.

Don’t put in more pasta than the pot can handle. The water should boil even when full of pasta.

There is this student who I call Boring Guy. I could just as easily call him Dumb Guy, but there are plenty of those. He manages to get even the easiest of things wrong or somehow mess them up. I’m not sure how he is able to survive. He often talks to people, and continues on, long after they have lost interest. I saw him talk to a professor before a class. Normally this conversation would have been just a few short comments, and normally the professor would be happy to talk to a student, but Boring Guy continued on and on, and I could tell that the professor was just waiting for the clock to finally say it was time to start class.

Make sure you continue to stir the pasta while cooking it. Don’t let it stick to the bottom or itself.

As I was crossing a road, a bus that should have stopped didn’t and almost hit me. I was going to stick up my middle finger, but I had mittens on. I wonder what he would have thought. Don’t try to flick somebody off if you have mittens on.

Don’t overcook the noodles. In fact, go ahead and boil them for less time than the directions demand. If you are unsure, take out a noodle to see if it’s still hard on the inside.

One student came in late to one of my classes. The professor, who knows all her students by name, saw him, but didn’t recognize him and asked if he normally came to the class. He did. Then the professor asked if he had gotten a haircut or anything. He hadn’t. The professor then asked if he were sick. He wasn’t. I kind of felt bad for my classmate. I think the professor did too because she said she wouldn’t make him do anything that day.

If you buy the tomato sauce already made, you don’t have to separately heat it up. Just adding it to the hot noodles will be enough.

My professor was talking to us today about somebody who smokes. As he said the words, “who smokes,” he let out a really hard cough. It was a real cough, and not on purpose. The class laughed at him.

If you don’t add the sauce to the noodles right away, keep them moist. Don’t let them dry and stick. Don’t drain or add water if necessary.

I was doing some homework on campus, and in another side of the room, there was this big, loud guy who came in. He found one of his friends and started talking to him. The friend understood that people were studying, and the room was supposed to be quiet, but the loud friend kept talking. Because of the manner in which they spoke, it sounded like one person talking on the cell phone—loudly.

Spaghetti is good on its own, but make sure you eat plenty of other things with it.

I saw a girl whose un-dyed hair was lighter than her skin. This is rare. It bothered me, so I screamed that she was the Anti-Christ and proceeded to run down the hallway, waving my arms madly.